Stubbornness and Sunsets

Snapshot of my evening wander

Today was a bad day. It started with a nightmare about a Roman emperor making arrangements to suspend me, Han Solo-style, in a wall of clay opposite his throne. While I commend his tasteful interior decorating choices (I mean, who doesn’t love a feature wall), I was not entirely thrilled when I woke up and things just sort of went downhill from there.

 

Today was one of those days where nothing, and I mean nothing, could lighten the all-consuming weight of sadness on my chest. I tried treating myself to leftover birthday cake for breakfast (how is my baby brother 21! I’m gonna need a walking frame any day now at this rate) as a sugary bribe into cheerfulness: nothing. I tried pretending to be a film star for a good half hour, practicing my Oscar acceptance speech (in an Irish accent, just to mix things up) as I folded the laundry: nothing. I tried to distract myself by reading an entire novel in one sitting: still nothing, except now with the added burden of four gruesome character deaths to mull over. I tried swaddling my cat in a pillowcase and raising her to the ceiling whilst singing “The Circle of Life” and trying to avoid being mauled: STILL nothing. Seriously, brain?! Not even the Lion King can cheer you up? Ya know, you can be a real bummer sometimes.

The one thing I did not try until stupidly late was:

going outside.

I say “stupidly”, because this was a decision entirely based on stubbornness. My father happens to be a doctor, and has repeatedly told me that daily exercise and fresh air are a vital part of maintaining good mental health. My psychologist and psychiatrist have also told me this, also repeatedly. Three medical professionals have prescribed regular exercise and fresh air alongside my medication, and what do I do? I set out to prove them wrong, because I am an indoors person by nature and to be quite frank, I just can’t be bothered.

Just wait til I tell them that I felt fine all day yesterday and I didn’t leave the house ONCE, I smugly congratulate myself. That’ll teach them to preach to me about exercise! As if a walk is going to do any good. Pfffft.

At 6pm this evening, after spending the entire day in a fog of sadness and ennui, I finally released Annie from her Simba-impersonating duties and decided to go for a walk. Not because I thought it would help, but because I wanted the satisfaction of telling my three medical advisers that “I went for a bloody walk like you keep banging on about and it did nothing whatsoever. Now I just feel cold and mosquito-bitten as well as sad. GREAT advice, thanks so much.”

Guys. Groundbreaking news. It turns out going for a walk actually kinda helps.

I know, right?!?! I’m as amazed as you are. I started off down the street wearing my extra-grumpy pants, but about 2 minutes later I came across a little cat in an alleyway and couldn’t resist stopping to pet him (did I mention I’m a crazy cat lady?). He nuzzled his face into my hands and nudged away the grumpy cloud that had left the house with me. Yeah, but that’s the cat making me feel better, not the walking, I told myself. I continued on my way, determined to have a horrible walk and give a scathing report on it at my next appointment. Unfortunately for me, the sun was setting, which rather ruined my plan. This was the view that greeted me at the top of my street:

This view completely interrupted my moping. The nerve of it!

Dammit. In spite of myself, I sat down on the hill overlooking the sea, and I ended up sitting there for half an hour. I’m not going to say I was happy, because I wasn’t – I just felt a calmness that had evaded me all day. My chest still had the faint impression of the weight from earlier, like a fading bruise, but it felt so much lighter and easier to breathe. I had only walked about 200 metres from my house, and it had done more good than any distraction techniques I had employed. I felt calm neutrality. I felt fresh.

I’m not saying that exercise cures all, but I do want to encourage you to get out for even five minutes each day! It’s not recommended by doctors for no reason. Our bodies and minds benefit greatly from sunshine and fresh air, and I guarantee you will feel better, even if it’s only one teeny tiny atom of feeling-betteryness (definitely a word). Don’t be a stubborn idiot like me and stay in all day to prove a point. Even if you just sit on your porch step for five minutes, or lay on your lawn with a book, it’s better than staying inside all day. Those few minutes of fresh air tonight did more for me than an entire day’s worth of effort to shift the fog. Plus, Annie actually got ten minutes to herself for once. It’s a win-win situation! Here’s my face after discovering walks aren’t so bad after all:

Ok, half my face. Close enough!

Well, that’s it for now people, just wanted to pass on this nugget of advice that I have successfully ignored for years! I just want to finish by saying that you guys of the blogging world are awesome. I consider you all to be my friends and I’m always sending my love to those who need it. We are all strong and amazing humans, even if we have sucky days sometimes! Hope you all had a great day today and didn’t have to resort to Disney re-enactments to cheer you up.

 

Wait, what am I saying?! Disney re-enactments are ALWAYS a great choice! Just do what you want, like the fabulous humans you are.

All my love,